He hates where he’s at. If there were any easy feasible way to escape from this wretched hellhole, he’d sign up and take the first bus out of there. But there isn’t anything as simple as that. The only route with an exit sign pointing ahead is the path that leads straight off the cliff, over into the abyss, with thousands of sharp pointed jagged rocks rising up, each more prickly than the others. He’s absolutely trapped in an endless circle of pain, and the other way he can get out also involves pain. Decisions decisions.

It’s really his fault thought. He let himself be taken into this wicked sensation, to be swept up and entranced in the delight that is his euphoria. The germinating stages of this development were ever so subtle. First came the instant messages. Then the texts. And the phone calls. And the constant hanging out. And then the perpetual hang outs, where the myriad forms of connection melded into one gigantic never ending leash that kept him always tethered to her. The tornado that swept through his life happened so slowly and quietly that he didn’t even know when one stage ended and the next began. He simply was just there.

And of course, at the start, he enjoyed it, loved it. He had never experienced anything like it before. Someone wanted his attention, constantly, nearly continually. And he wanted hers. It was an action that was equally reciprocated. Both sides brought their fair share to the table, both sides ate, and both sides were content and satiated. But as time went on, she, slowly and surreptitiously, started to bring less and less, expecting him to do more and more. And he did, because he was so blinded by this feeling that a little more on his part really didn’t mean anything. He was glad to help make up the minor deficits, so long as all continued to go so well.

But in the same way that he was enticed into this never ending pain, so did she slowly remove all the joy that was brought into the union. One day, it would be as normal as any other day in the past, full of continuous texts and chats and talks and calls and connection late into the night. On others, it would be a little as a single text, a far cry from the life that he had grown accustomed to. Even worse were the days when nothing was there; the essence that he drew upon was no longer there. The first time he experienced this emptiness threw him into a total and utter state of chaos and confusion.

He essentially entered a vegetative state. He couldn’t work, couldn’t move, couldn’t react or interact with others around him. The good times that he had stored up as treasure in his memory attic swirled around him, captivating him in that bind. This heavy anchor refused to let him go and move on from that down point. The person that he once was, lively and full of joy and action and quick wit; what he became was merely a shell of what once used to be. She had, over time, completely drained all the single-minded life out of him. He was depleted.

As time progressed, he was able to regain some of the lost life force that had been siphoned from him. It was a long tortuous process, one that left him many bruises and scars as he went through rehabilitation to fight against the constant waves of depression that cascaded over his thoughts. She sometimes dropped by and said a word or two; on good days, she might even grace him with her presence for a decent amount of time. But regardless, time and time again, she continued to leave, never staying to truly see how he was doing. Was she aware of the trials and tribulations that she herself brought him through? Not a chance. She didn’t really care for him; he was just a backup toy that she fell back upon, for once he had already offered everything that he had to her, there was nothing else that she could really take from him.

Because there was nothing else of value in him, from her perspective, she only returned when she needed him. When there was no one else, she knew, she would always have him wrapped in the palm of her hand. But he had other plans.

Through his rehabilitation, this new growing sense of life and paradigm shift resulting from this experience showed him how to cast off the cloak of deception and lies and to live a life that fully belonged to him, as life intended him to do. No longer was he dependent on her for his emotional support and satisfaction; he was his own man once again. And just as she used her slow sly ways to draw him in and throw him out, so would he master her clandestine ways of pulling the rug out from under people, and one day, he will truly be able to cast off the shackles that bonded him for so long in such a inhumane position.

02.27.08, 1.10 – 1.37am