it's a bit disconcerting
how at this stage of my life
in the waning years of my teenage days
i feel as if i still haven't a clue
as to what i'm to do
with my entire future.

in so many directions
open roads lay bare
paths ajar for me to descend
yet i stand and stare
not really knowing which way to turn
towards what my hearts desire really aches for
i'm completely apathetic

i want to go somewhere, anywhere, away
to make something of myself
to claim it for me and my aspirations
to be firm and set in knowing that
that is what i want and need and seek
that nothing else will cause me to waver
from the one true path that
truly belongs to me

up early at night, as it's yet to grow
still i wonder and ponder and think
to which aim do i truly want to go after
do i really want to fight for this
for that, for anything of real worth
where is that subject, that item
that crowning achievement that will
give me a direction in life
the flame burns weakly

a blazing inferno, something to drive me
to depths never seen before
to get the adrenaline pumping and see
a new me that has never debuted before
the drive and ambition to get me whats mine
when i hopefully maybe finally can see
that object of worth to consume all my time

12.16.09, 1.13-1.20am