I love roller coasters. I really do. Anyone around me who’s ever asked or wondered where I would love to spend a day would know so. Without a doubt, I would love to thrust myself into the little plot of land filled with large and small and looping and whirling and rising and diving roller coasters. And to think, not too long ago, I had an insanely irrational fear of the mechanical begins, stemming mainly from the (then) incomprehensible insanity that one would seemingly need to have to voluntarily, of being sound in mind and body, to step onto the contraptions and be locked and strapped in. It’s for their safety of course, because a small minute infinitesimal percentage of thrill-seekers have died for their courageous endeavors. But that’s just a minor detail that can easier be overlooked. Right?

So with the help of a few friends, I allowed myself to peacefully submit to the craziness that they called fun. And my luck would have it, that the first behemoth we encountered just had to be the largest and most death-defying/inducing monster we could try. Not to mention half the group chickened out on us. But this wasn’t about them. This was about me. Like a lamb being led to the slaughter, I trudged along the line, slowly inching closer and closer to my supposed doom. We were led into the seats, had the belts strapped on, the bar lowered down. As if we were in some creepy horror movie, the bar creaked an eerie foreboding noise as it came down, and with every click, it gave the impression that death was raising its scythe higher and higher and higher. As soon as the brakes were let go, so too would his polearm be set free, and with a quick silent whoosh, so would my head.

But there were no cloaked figures there, nor were there any medieval items present in any way, shape or form. It was just me, and now, the openness of the track ahead of me, and in the literal form, the sky being the limit of my adventure. For as we slowly crawled towards the climax of the ride, where all hell would break loose, and the brakes holding us back would release their clamped grip; it was here that I finally realized what I was in for. And at this umpteenth hour, there really was no way out. No last words for me to say. No last wishes to be offered. The time was now, and I had to man up and face my fears like a man.

Needless to say, pictorial records would reveal me to be half hunched over, eyes closed, as close to a fetal position as a supposedly securely strapped-in person could get in. But that death was like a new rebirthing, one that allowed me to come back and tell the tales, joys rather, of the fast rushing wind blowing into my face, the thrill of zooming up and down and around the track, screaming with ecstasy and complete abandon, with no regard for anything or anyone around me. This new me had completely lost itself within the overwhelmingly powerful sensations that could not divest me from this newfound joy I had discovered.

Like ants addicted to the sweet heavenly taste of sugar, or anything else of similar delightful sweetness, I just couldn’t stay away. Even though the ride had long ended, I unconsciously found myself drawn back to this quivering vortex, unable to exert any conscious control of myself. In a near ethereal state of being, I seemed to watch myself from afar as my body mechanically continued to return time and time again to this madness, seemingly just riding out the ups and downs of the attraction. Might I have needed a way out? Perhaps. Could I have voluntarily expunged myself from this devilry? I doubt it.

So, like watching a movie where I’m the main character, this episodic channel really has no plot, and all the substance there is consists of the rider going up and down on this never-ending journey that seems to have no pauses in the storyline at all. I just want to ask the conductor, engineer, operator, whoever, if I could just take a break. Get away. Get off from this insanity. To hopefully regain control over myself and to live once again, instead of being enslaved to this intoxicating addiction. But there’s no one in sight; not a soul behind me, not a living-being in front. Is there any way for me to escape this madness?

07.17.09, 12.53 - 1.27am