I think I love her. Again.

As they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder, and this is no exception to the rule. With the advent of this past year, we were physically at our farthest that we’ve ever been. The frequencies of our seeing each other dwindled down to dangerously low levels. It was as if both our tanks were running on empty; that this would be the end of our journey together. I was getting ready to say goodbye to the good ride that I had the privilege of being a part of for these past few years, thinking that I had milked the most I could have out of this old antique.

But you know, old veterans don’t give up easily. With a little few tweaks here and there, thanks to technology, she was up and running, purring so beautifully no one could have known she was supposedly past her prime. We stayed up late, chatting online, talking through the phone, or texting however and whenever. I mean, it wasn’t as childish as a few years ago, when we needed to constantly be in touch with each other by any means of communication 24/7. Being as far as we were, we had enough freedom to do our own things, a lesson I painfully learned in my more naïve days of living. That only made me respect her that much more and elevated her into unattainable heights in my mind. She was just too amazing.

So life is strange and wondrous and crazy. We recently were able to hang out for a little bit recently, and nothing that happened decreased my feelings for her, in any way. If anything, it only added fuel to a kindling fire, eagerly wanting to know if this could grow into a full fledge flame, or if the small spark was destined to rise a little bit, only to fatally crash and burn. And in the midst of this invisible flame, we were just fooling around, doing nothing in particular, enjoying the scarce few moments we had before life called each of us to our own separate ways once again, until the new time we would be able to meet up. She pulled out a few mementos of our shared past, recalling the good times we had with each other and with others as well.

As I drove her back to her place, we would talk and then be silent and go through this cycle over and over. But the silences we had; they weren’t awkward pauses in the conversation. Rather, they proved to be a comforting tranquil moment shared between us, each of us being drawn in with our thoughts and our being there together at that point in time. Upon departing, we both promised each other that we would hang out again sometime, hopefully sooner than later. But thankfully, those weren’t just empty words. I hope.

The only saddening thought? No, not our goodbye, for moment from then is one second closer until I next see her again. But rather that a lot of our collective memory went back to further points in time. Meaning we need more memories in the present. And you can be damned sure I’ll be trying hard to make that happen.

07.07.09, 10.40pm-12.20am.