And sometimes it makes me want to cry.

So she’s been gone for nearly two years now. I suppose we’ve both moved on; I with my collegiate studies; she with her overseas boarding school. It was a sad departure marked by the abrupt decision her parents made to send her away. I was the main result of that. If not for our daring late night meetings, blanketed by the darkness of the night, perhaps this clandestine activity would not have done us in.

Unfortunately, it is what it is. I still remember that night. And all the other times that we were able to share before the tumultuous day. It was about 10 at night, and I had just finished my homework. On her side, she had already finished long ago, on the account of her having a lighter load than I. Although it was still quite early in the night, her parents tended to retire right around this time. After she gave me the all clear signal, I quietly left the house and climbed two fences, scaled a tree, and fought off a cat to get to her backyard.

The daunting thing about this time we steal for ourselves is that I have to get past her parent’s bedroom. It lies closest in proximity to their backyard. Even the family dog is a lesser obstacle; from day one, we’ve hit it off and become the best of friends. But I, being the master ninja that I am, never found this situation to be too bad. Until this fateful day.

The best I can attribute this ill-fated happening is just a bad strike of luck. Her mom happened to walk out thirty minutes after the all clear to move a dying plant from their room to the backyard. Next thing I knew, her parents freaked out and ended up pulling an overly drastic move to send her away from the continent, the city, and dangerous bad boy.

We still talked and chatted over AIM and phone calls and Oovoo and everything, but as time and distance worked against us, the force of attraction just slowly seemed to wilt. I eventually resorted to sending a ton of texts and e-mails and Facebook comments and the like, but she was just so busy sometimes that it was nearly impossible to have her instantly be on the other end of the line. When I finally did get her on the phone, it was a joyous occasion, but it also unfortunately included one too many silent pauses. Whether they were the good pauses or the awkward kind, I’ll never really be too sure.

One popularly uttered phrase is “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Yet, at the same time, being away from someone with whom you’ve invested so much time and effort and love in a relationship with; the resulting effect is a skewed perception of said person. Their niceties are magnified; their faults, diminished. They end up being lifted high on a pedestal, being portrayed as the best significant other one could ever find. In some cases, that may be true. But the reality of most situations is the unsettling fact that the heart eventually overtakes the brain, allowing pathos to overtake the more steadfast logos.

Yet, these memories, these wonderful little nuggets that I treasure so dearly; I just cannot bring myself to bury them. Even though it was a rough ending, definitely not the one anyone would desire, the moments we shared, the experiences we had together, they helped shape me into the person I am today. Without the ups and downs that came hand in hand with our relationship, I probably would not be at the point that I am today. Whether or not that comes out to be beneficial or detrimental, only time will tell. Until then, there really is no point in trying to suppress the past, especially when there were some great moments that we were able to share together. Who knows what life, fate, and the future have in store for us. Perhaps one day, our paths will cross again and we’ll be able suspend time for an instant, for just a glimpse, and be able to recapture what was so forcefully stripped away.

02.03.09, 11:00-11:30pm.