there’s no real way to mold this feeling into
something tangible that one can grasp.
as I sit here in my room thinking about
all that has happened, or rather, what hasn’t,
a black vortex of anger and hate just builds
within to amount to some gigantic proportions.

i’m left in the dark in more than one aspect
and this lack of light only contributes
to the ever growing abyss unseen.
certain information never reaches my ears
or certain people just turn a blind eye
and ignore my presence for days.

your surface actions give off
a demeanor of friendship; I know better.
the subtle traits I detect betray
the kind of person you really are
why I continue to put up with you
is beyond my realm of intelligence.

with my sadness and anger I want
to curl into a fetal position and let
all that the world has to throw at me
hit me as hard as it possibly can.
if the world doesn’t care then
why should I?

11.13.08, 5.55-6.02pm